by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
“We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves….There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything." -- A Course in Miracles
"Love is incapable of asking for anything." Wow! Take a moment to think about that statement, and then think about what you think love is.
What do you think love is?
* Does love demand that another person give himself or herself up for you?
* Is love jealous?
* Does love ask another person to prove to you that he or she loves you?
* Does love expect that another should listen to your anger, your complaints, and your judgments?
* Are you being loving when you take responsibility for another's feelings?
* Are you being loving when you are being a martyr?
* Are you being loving when you physically harm another - even if it is in the name of love?
In fact, aren't all of the above what love is not?
If "Love is incapable of asking for anything," then what is love?
* Love gives for the pure joy of giving - whether it is time, caring, understanding, compassion, kindness, help, money, gifts, compliments, and so on.
* Love is the energy that flows into you from Spirit when your heart is open. It fills you so that you don't need anything from anyone, and then it flows out to others.
* Love is what you joyfully do to care for yourself, fully embracing the sacred privilege of taking loving care of yourself - of your feelings, your health, your environment, your safety and security, and your self of worth and self-esteem.
* Love sees what needs to be done and does it with no outcome in mind other than the joy of helping another.
* Love never has an agenda, as real love "is incapable of asking for anything."
Are you "loving" another to get something for yourself? "There can be no greater mistake than that."
Why can there be no greater mistake than that? Because whatever it is you are doing is not love. You are completely missing what love is. And in trying to "love" another to get something for yourself, you will always be disappointed. Your relationships will not work because they work only when there is love.
How do you reach a point where you don't need anything from another - where you are so filled up with love within that you just want to offer it? How do you heal the emptiness within that is so needy of love?
By learning how to fill yourself with love, how to overflow with love like a glass of water so filled to the brim that it is overflowing. This will never happen from trying to get love from another.
There is only one way I know of to become filled with love, and that is to open your heart to learning - with your spiritual guidance - how to be loving to yourself.
You have to start with yourself, since it is only when you are filled with love that you have love to offer another. When you deeply desire to learn to be loving to yourself, your heart will open and you will start to receive love and wisdom from your Higher Self. You will be taught what loving yourself means, what thoughts to think and actions to take that are loving to you. As you do this, you will become filled with love and discover that you don't actually need to get love from another.
When you learn to love yourself and fill yourself with love, you will discover the great joy and fulfillment in giving love - giving with no agenda attached.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Matchmaking In The Name Of Love
There comes a time when you really need someone by your side, but you cannot because of myriad reasons. The best way to go is always the best choice that has rose after the advent of the internet and has involved the bringing of many single individuals together. The matchmaking agencies are working around the clock in many ways trying to make you find the man or woman you have been looking for. It is a fact that finding love is not something that comes that easily, and the many numbers of singles around confirms this statement.
Finding love is something that you cannot say no to, whether it is just friendship or for sexual purposes. The matchmaking sites and agencies are doing wonders in the line of bringing people together, people who are after finding a better social life than they have now. The fact is that the agencies are also doing a lucrative business, where they match people as they sell services that one cannot deny single men and women are looking for. You should not only look at the issue as a way that another person is making money out of you. The matchmaking experts are offering services that you and your friends are after; services of finding friendships and adoration, a chance to be with people who are also after a person like you.
The fact is that you don’t have to think about what the person giving you a service is getting, if at all they are, and what you should concentrate on is falling in love and continuing with your relationship. There are many reasons as to why many people are turning to online matchmaking instances, where there are so many people after what they cannot get from their respective societies. The modern worker has a severe disadvantage, which is the fact that they are mostly involved in work that exceed the eight hour threshold and they leave the workplace very late in the night. When they get home they only have time for a quick dinner and get down to bed to relax and prepare for the next day.
If you consider this, it gives them a very short time to socialize, to go to such places as clubs, bars and dance halls. Sometimes time for religious orientation and devotion is not there, and they find themselves very busy and they don’t have time to spend doing other things. Matchmaking experts have marked this as the main reason that is turning singles towards online dating and online matchmaking.
There is nothing like having someone doing all the work for you, as you wait to begin your way towards the line of dating, friendship and love. You cannot ignore the fact that matchmaking is something that has the human hand endowed with blessings of people who want to meet certain people for their love needs. You don’t have to see the years passing and old age beckoning without you having a person you can call your friend or you love. It is time for you to find the friendship you are looking for.
Finding love is something that you cannot say no to, whether it is just friendship or for sexual purposes. The matchmaking sites and agencies are doing wonders in the line of bringing people together, people who are after finding a better social life than they have now. The fact is that the agencies are also doing a lucrative business, where they match people as they sell services that one cannot deny single men and women are looking for. You should not only look at the issue as a way that another person is making money out of you. The matchmaking experts are offering services that you and your friends are after; services of finding friendships and adoration, a chance to be with people who are also after a person like you.
The fact is that you don’t have to think about what the person giving you a service is getting, if at all they are, and what you should concentrate on is falling in love and continuing with your relationship. There are many reasons as to why many people are turning to online matchmaking instances, where there are so many people after what they cannot get from their respective societies. The modern worker has a severe disadvantage, which is the fact that they are mostly involved in work that exceed the eight hour threshold and they leave the workplace very late in the night. When they get home they only have time for a quick dinner and get down to bed to relax and prepare for the next day.
If you consider this, it gives them a very short time to socialize, to go to such places as clubs, bars and dance halls. Sometimes time for religious orientation and devotion is not there, and they find themselves very busy and they don’t have time to spend doing other things. Matchmaking experts have marked this as the main reason that is turning singles towards online dating and online matchmaking.
There is nothing like having someone doing all the work for you, as you wait to begin your way towards the line of dating, friendship and love. You cannot ignore the fact that matchmaking is something that has the human hand endowed with blessings of people who want to meet certain people for their love needs. You don’t have to see the years passing and old age beckoning without you having a person you can call your friend or you love. It is time for you to find the friendship you are looking for.
Attraction and Love Formulas
by: Dr. Dennis W. Neder
I’ve been promoting a new concept on my show that has been very successful in explaining how attraction and love work. I call these them (collectively) “The Formula”.
Is there really a “formula” for attraction and love? Yes, there is. I discovered them when I was working on what sorts of approaches work best with what sorts of women. Now, keep in mind that these are formulas for women, not men. Guys have a totally different formula and if you’re good, one day soon I’ll publish those for you girls.
What’s the benefit of knowing these formulas? For any guy that is serious about meeting women, creating relationships and even managing ones they already have, the benefits are huge. In fact, it’s in these very formulas that I see the greatest number of mistakes being made by men.
To wit; here are the formulas:
1) The “Attraction Fomula”:
Interest + Rapport and Connection = Attraction
2) The “Love Formula”:
Attraction + Safety and Security + Greater Connection = Love
They can also work in reverse:
1) The “Loss of Love Formula”:
Love - Loss of Connection - Loss of Safety and Security = Attraction
2) The “Loss of Attraction Formula”:
Attraction - Loss of Rapport and Connection = Interest
So, what exactly do these mean?
Let’s start with attraction first.
What you need to know is that in order for women to be attracted to you, you have to start with some interest. Now the biggest reason why most men don’t approach women is simple: they believe that there’s no automatic interest on the part of the woman – and that may be true.
What they don’t get however is that interest is something that can be created!
Think about this: let’s say that you are even reasonably interesting or of even average attractiveness. In fact, you don’t even have to be average – you can be below average if you combine them together!
A simple, reasonable approach can create “interest” in your target. It’s really pretty simple and is based on the very common understanding that people have a natural need to connect with others. Thus, if you know this, (and now you do!) you can always create attraction from your simple approach.
The next step is in building that up to attraction and the key components are “rapport” and “connection”. What are these?
Rapport is defined as “harmonious or sympathetic relation”. Think about that for a minute. How do you build harmonious or sympathetic relation? By playing to those things in your target that are the same or with which she can sympathize. It’s that simple! Of course, the more complicated question is how you do that.
In my books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I & II”, I teach 4 different Communication Systems. It’s through these communication systems that you build rapport. By either being the same as (matching) her systems or in other cases, countering them (differing), you turn her interest into attraction. Some people use these intuitively and others “stumble upon” them but far more have to learn and practice them. Of course, if they work this well, that effort is more than worth it – and it is!
Connection comes automatically by how well your target relates to you. Obviously, if you build great rapport with her, she’s going to begin relating right off the bat and in fact, this is where attraction comes from. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve talked to that said, “You know, the more I talked to him, the more attracted I became!” Now you know why.
In the second formula, the “Love Formula”, you have to add a few components, but again, it’s simple to use effectively.
One key aspect of this formula is that this is likely a primary goal of your target – to be in love. Thus, even without knowing it, she’ll be more than ready to help you get there! All you need to do is provide the other key elements which are:
Safety means creating a place or environment where your target feels safe with you. This isn’t just location, although location is one important part. That’s why it’s almost impossible for you to get a woman to focus on you when she’s being stalked by a jealous ex-husband; unless she sees you as her protector.
Security comes from believing that she can reasonably accept the risks you pose in her getting hurt emotionally. As you grow your investment in her, she (hopefully) will do the same. Now think about this: how many guys have you heard of that have done all the supposed “right things” such as taking her out on expensive dates, buying her expensive gifts, taking her on expensive trips, etc., only to find that she falls out of (or worse, never fell into) love with him?
This happens all the time, right? Do you want to know why? It’s simple: when you over-invest; that is, investing without getting back some investment from her at an equal rate, she begins to believe that you have to work this hard because you have nothing else to offer. This means that she’s never going to get the place where she feels the risk and thus, doesn’t need your security! Thus, love will never come for her.
Once you create both safety and security within her mind, all you need to do is back it up with some more connection and bingo, she falls in love!
I think you’re getting the picture of just how important these formulas are!
If you really learn them and practice them, you’ll have a tool to build any level of attraction or love within any woman you want. Likewise, you’ll be able to remove it too. Your choice.
I’ve been promoting a new concept on my show that has been very successful in explaining how attraction and love work. I call these them (collectively) “The Formula”.
Is there really a “formula” for attraction and love? Yes, there is. I discovered them when I was working on what sorts of approaches work best with what sorts of women. Now, keep in mind that these are formulas for women, not men. Guys have a totally different formula and if you’re good, one day soon I’ll publish those for you girls.
What’s the benefit of knowing these formulas? For any guy that is serious about meeting women, creating relationships and even managing ones they already have, the benefits are huge. In fact, it’s in these very formulas that I see the greatest number of mistakes being made by men.
To wit; here are the formulas:
1) The “Attraction Fomula”:
Interest + Rapport and Connection = Attraction
2) The “Love Formula”:
Attraction + Safety and Security + Greater Connection = Love
They can also work in reverse:
1) The “Loss of Love Formula”:
Love - Loss of Connection - Loss of Safety and Security = Attraction
2) The “Loss of Attraction Formula”:
Attraction - Loss of Rapport and Connection = Interest
So, what exactly do these mean?
Let’s start with attraction first.
What you need to know is that in order for women to be attracted to you, you have to start with some interest. Now the biggest reason why most men don’t approach women is simple: they believe that there’s no automatic interest on the part of the woman – and that may be true.
What they don’t get however is that interest is something that can be created!
Think about this: let’s say that you are even reasonably interesting or of even average attractiveness. In fact, you don’t even have to be average – you can be below average if you combine them together!
A simple, reasonable approach can create “interest” in your target. It’s really pretty simple and is based on the very common understanding that people have a natural need to connect with others. Thus, if you know this, (and now you do!) you can always create attraction from your simple approach.
The next step is in building that up to attraction and the key components are “rapport” and “connection”. What are these?
Rapport is defined as “harmonious or sympathetic relation”. Think about that for a minute. How do you build harmonious or sympathetic relation? By playing to those things in your target that are the same or with which she can sympathize. It’s that simple! Of course, the more complicated question is how you do that.
In my books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I & II”, I teach 4 different Communication Systems. It’s through these communication systems that you build rapport. By either being the same as (matching) her systems or in other cases, countering them (differing), you turn her interest into attraction. Some people use these intuitively and others “stumble upon” them but far more have to learn and practice them. Of course, if they work this well, that effort is more than worth it – and it is!
Connection comes automatically by how well your target relates to you. Obviously, if you build great rapport with her, she’s going to begin relating right off the bat and in fact, this is where attraction comes from. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve talked to that said, “You know, the more I talked to him, the more attracted I became!” Now you know why.
In the second formula, the “Love Formula”, you have to add a few components, but again, it’s simple to use effectively.
One key aspect of this formula is that this is likely a primary goal of your target – to be in love. Thus, even without knowing it, she’ll be more than ready to help you get there! All you need to do is provide the other key elements which are:
Safety means creating a place or environment where your target feels safe with you. This isn’t just location, although location is one important part. That’s why it’s almost impossible for you to get a woman to focus on you when she’s being stalked by a jealous ex-husband; unless she sees you as her protector.
Security comes from believing that she can reasonably accept the risks you pose in her getting hurt emotionally. As you grow your investment in her, she (hopefully) will do the same. Now think about this: how many guys have you heard of that have done all the supposed “right things” such as taking her out on expensive dates, buying her expensive gifts, taking her on expensive trips, etc., only to find that she falls out of (or worse, never fell into) love with him?
This happens all the time, right? Do you want to know why? It’s simple: when you over-invest; that is, investing without getting back some investment from her at an equal rate, she begins to believe that you have to work this hard because you have nothing else to offer. This means that she’s never going to get the place where she feels the risk and thus, doesn’t need your security! Thus, love will never come for her.
Once you create both safety and security within her mind, all you need to do is back it up with some more connection and bingo, she falls in love!
I think you’re getting the picture of just how important these formulas are!
If you really learn them and practice them, you’ll have a tool to build any level of attraction or love within any woman you want. Likewise, you’ll be able to remove it too. Your choice.
Why You Should not be Without Love
by: Francis K. Githinji
There are many things which you need to concede in life and have the world make sense to you. You must be the person who will perfect his life as he tries to make sure being a single is not his or her definition anymore. There are many things which make each and every person to stand out alone and it is inherent in the things which you can do as a person. You must be in love today if you have not tasted it and it is through the line of things that make the world make sense that you can change the way you go about dating. There are so many singles in the world like you and it is the reason as to why you must be very open to things which affect you.
You know yourself and the reason why you have not been attending to your single nature and you are the perfect one to change the status quo of events. You must not wish to stay single anymore and you have to be the kind of an individual the singles world would not like, meaning that you get to share love with someone as you make yourself into a person who has love in his or her bones. There is nothing like love, and you can ask the ones who are in a true dating relationship. You can also study them secretly and you will not forget the whole thing forever. You need to change the way you look at things, and even the manner of affecting your own life. A single person has no security, more so if she is a woman, and stress coupled with fear is enough to make you lose the direction you have been having in life.
There is nothing like living a lie and paying the price and what you need is to make a resolve to change the way you attract people in your life and the way you live. You must not leave anything to chance or make anything to lose the tinge of life. There are many things you must have and one of them is love. As a single person you have no choice. You cannot refrain from enjoying love as it is. It is something that makes you enjoy the kind of life you are living today.
You should not forget to live in your own means, as you decide to meet the people within your own world. There are many things which you should not have in your own stride, and the major one is loneliness. You should declare it illegal to living alone and having a woman or man in your life should be the best thing in your life. You need to find the time to make ends meet and allow things to take the best course as you rare yourself in the hands of many people who cannot turn you towards the line of dating and love. It is how relationships are started.
There are many things which you need to concede in life and have the world make sense to you. You must be the person who will perfect his life as he tries to make sure being a single is not his or her definition anymore. There are many things which make each and every person to stand out alone and it is inherent in the things which you can do as a person. You must be in love today if you have not tasted it and it is through the line of things that make the world make sense that you can change the way you go about dating. There are so many singles in the world like you and it is the reason as to why you must be very open to things which affect you.
You know yourself and the reason why you have not been attending to your single nature and you are the perfect one to change the status quo of events. You must not wish to stay single anymore and you have to be the kind of an individual the singles world would not like, meaning that you get to share love with someone as you make yourself into a person who has love in his or her bones. There is nothing like love, and you can ask the ones who are in a true dating relationship. You can also study them secretly and you will not forget the whole thing forever. You need to change the way you look at things, and even the manner of affecting your own life. A single person has no security, more so if she is a woman, and stress coupled with fear is enough to make you lose the direction you have been having in life.
There is nothing like living a lie and paying the price and what you need is to make a resolve to change the way you attract people in your life and the way you live. You must not leave anything to chance or make anything to lose the tinge of life. There are many things you must have and one of them is love. As a single person you have no choice. You cannot refrain from enjoying love as it is. It is something that makes you enjoy the kind of life you are living today.
You should not forget to live in your own means, as you decide to meet the people within your own world. There are many things which you should not have in your own stride, and the major one is loneliness. You should declare it illegal to living alone and having a woman or man in your life should be the best thing in your life. You need to find the time to make ends meet and allow things to take the best course as you rare yourself in the hands of many people who cannot turn you towards the line of dating and love. It is how relationships are started.
It's All About Love!
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
What is life REALLY all about? It's all about love!
But what does this mean?
Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, but as we grow up we need to shift our focus from being loved to being loving. When we do not shift our focus, we end up missing out on what life is all about.
Being loving is about supporting our own and others highest good with kindness, caring, understanding, and compassion.
WHEN WE ARE LOVING TO OURSELVES, WE ARE LOVING TO OTHERS
Contrary to what many people believe, being loving to ourselves is not at all about being selfish. Being loving to ourselves means that we are taking full responsibility for our own feelings and needs so that we are not needy, selfish, and demanding of others to do this for us. It is when we are not loving ourselves that we selfishly make others responsible for giving to us the love that we are not giving to ourselves, and try to have control over getting their love.
Being loving to ourselves never means that we disregard others' feelings and needs. It doesn’t mean that we ignore the effect our behavior has on others. We are being selfish rather than loving when we do not consider the consequences of our actions on others.
At the same time, being loving to ourselves means that we do not allow someone's needy and demanding behavior to determine our choices. For example, if you want to do something that is important to you and your partner is angry because he or she wants you to attend to him or her rather than do what brings you joy, it is your partner who is being selfish by not supporting what brings you joy. By doing what truly brings you joy, you are not only being loving to yourself, you are also being loving to your partner by giving him or her an opportunity to learn and grow into being a more loving, supportive, personally responsible person. If you give in and do not do what brings you joy, you are not only abandoning yourself, you are robbing your partner of growing opportunities. This is not loving.
WHEN WE ARE LOVING TO OTHERS, WE ARE LOVING TO OURSELVES
It is not loving to ourselves to be unloving to others - to be harsh, blaming, angry, judgmental, mean, or unkind. We can never feel happy with ourselves when we are treating others in unkind ways.
Being loving to others means being kind, understanding, compassionate, empathic, supportive, and open to learning about their feelings and beliefs. It does NOT mean that we take responsibility for their feelings and needs. We can care about their feelings and needs, and care about the effects our behavior has on them, without taking responsibility for how they are treating themselves and what they are telling themselves that are causing their own distress.
When loving others, we have to accept that it is their own treatment of themselves and their own beliefs that cause their pain, not our choices. We enable others rather than love them when we take responsibility for their happiness and pain. The challenge here is to care about others' feelings and needs without taking responsibility for them.
When we care about and take responsibility for our own pain and joy, and compassionately care about others pain and joy without taking responsibility for them, we are being loving to ourselves and others. Learning to do this is what life is all about!
What is life REALLY all about? It's all about love!
But what does this mean?
Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, but as we grow up we need to shift our focus from being loved to being loving. When we do not shift our focus, we end up missing out on what life is all about.
Being loving is about supporting our own and others highest good with kindness, caring, understanding, and compassion.
WHEN WE ARE LOVING TO OURSELVES, WE ARE LOVING TO OTHERS
Contrary to what many people believe, being loving to ourselves is not at all about being selfish. Being loving to ourselves means that we are taking full responsibility for our own feelings and needs so that we are not needy, selfish, and demanding of others to do this for us. It is when we are not loving ourselves that we selfishly make others responsible for giving to us the love that we are not giving to ourselves, and try to have control over getting their love.
Being loving to ourselves never means that we disregard others' feelings and needs. It doesn’t mean that we ignore the effect our behavior has on others. We are being selfish rather than loving when we do not consider the consequences of our actions on others.
At the same time, being loving to ourselves means that we do not allow someone's needy and demanding behavior to determine our choices. For example, if you want to do something that is important to you and your partner is angry because he or she wants you to attend to him or her rather than do what brings you joy, it is your partner who is being selfish by not supporting what brings you joy. By doing what truly brings you joy, you are not only being loving to yourself, you are also being loving to your partner by giving him or her an opportunity to learn and grow into being a more loving, supportive, personally responsible person. If you give in and do not do what brings you joy, you are not only abandoning yourself, you are robbing your partner of growing opportunities. This is not loving.
WHEN WE ARE LOVING TO OTHERS, WE ARE LOVING TO OURSELVES
It is not loving to ourselves to be unloving to others - to be harsh, blaming, angry, judgmental, mean, or unkind. We can never feel happy with ourselves when we are treating others in unkind ways.
Being loving to others means being kind, understanding, compassionate, empathic, supportive, and open to learning about their feelings and beliefs. It does NOT mean that we take responsibility for their feelings and needs. We can care about their feelings and needs, and care about the effects our behavior has on them, without taking responsibility for how they are treating themselves and what they are telling themselves that are causing their own distress.
When loving others, we have to accept that it is their own treatment of themselves and their own beliefs that cause their pain, not our choices. We enable others rather than love them when we take responsibility for their happiness and pain. The challenge here is to care about others' feelings and needs without taking responsibility for them.
When we care about and take responsibility for our own pain and joy, and compassionately care about others pain and joy without taking responsibility for them, we are being loving to ourselves and others. Learning to do this is what life is all about!
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